Anxiety disorder/ love & hate

 You know what? Fuck you anxiety, I fucking hate you, why do I have panic attack whenever I think if Hannah?. The moment panic attacks come, I feel like dying, breathing is so difficult, some day I would wish to stop breathing to end my misery. I always wanted to do that, and to see her one last time before I give up, but I cannot stand myself talking to her or even seeing her outside. 

One of the comment from her, yes stopped drinking and that's why I have anxiety disorder now. But I did stop drinking but why my panic attack still come? And I pretty much can't sleep every night because i have breathing difficulties every fucking night! Worse is when my anxiety last the whole day. 

Just how much I would like to be friend with her again because she's just someone I can't live without.  I didn't know I can whine for so long regarding a relationship. 

Love and hate.