Gratitude

Sometime I realize drinking is just to chill. Not too much it's fine. Had panic attack for the whole dam week. But still I have to work, thanks to jasper whom volunteer  to send me home. Coz i just fall asleep while scrolling on my phone sitting down. Hopefully I can sleep properly today, I still miss her terribly. And I hope she is really happy with this one, hopefully this guy is not gonna betray her in anyway. It's matter of whether the guy want to betray or not. I choose  not to betray her because I love her.. But anyway one day when I pass away, I hope this blog can let those who care to see。thanks again jasper 

Been long since i blog

I start blogging when I was 15, now I am 25 and I started my blog back. Because I realise how much things change from the past till now. I was laughing at myself on the way I blog in the past as compared to now.

Though its just boring words, but its my life and its my story.

It was a was suppose to be a very fortunate year for me. Just because I know Hannah through work.
I was right the goddess in my mind.

I am serious, never had I love someone so much that I could give up my life for it. But giving up on life only happen after she left. I am so remorse for what I had said and done. Sometime in life we cant make any mistake, but if we do, we should hide it and shall never let people know about it.

I was stupid to be honest, but whats wrong with being honest?

I got into drinking really bad after the breakup, I feel the pinch in my health.

I was diagnose with anxiety disorder, got really depress lately for my misdeed.

Never had I got this feeling that I am going to die, panic attack is the one that will scare the hell out of you when it attacked. It was tough for me, I am serious.

If you ever have a friend that have anxiety disorder, please be there for them. Myself, I am fine because I wish I could solve things by my own.

I had a hard time overcoming it, I had panic attack usually the day after drinking.

Now I know that excessive drinking is the one that causes panic attack, but that's the only solution for me to head to, that's the only way I could get rid of my pain. Who else know the pain?

I am so sorry that I did bad to another girl, its like I am making use of her to overcome Hannah. I am deeply sorry. Honestly it good that you left just like that, because I didn't want to hurt anyone no more. I had enough of all this, I tried going after girls but that is to keep me distracted so that I will feel better. But I know that I could never love once more like I ever did.

Someday, this blog could be read by people that care and concern, especially when the day have come. The day when the death certificate is submitted to facebook where close friend will start looking for photo or post that I mentioned.