Thank god

Personally I think after the break up I did drink heavily which I am scare it that continue, I wouldn't be here because I drink excessively which I never drink before every single day.

Therefore my body decided to break down and have this anxiety disorder, though it's already very uncomfortable and feel like life threatening. 

But it's better than having liver disease from all this alcohol. 

Thanking God for giving me this so that I would stop drinking, if not I'll probably be at hell right now. And you will be guilty as fuck.

That's my intention btw, luckily it wasn't disclosed to the doctor if not I'll be at mental hospital by now.

And for now there is a guy call Amos  that his behavior is far from ordinary.

I hope people could understand that he's probably having a mental problem and this is something one can't control.

And for that, his parent should do something about it before things get worse. 

Advanced diploma

I shouldn't have time to blog, but I am blog to my ass that I wish I could write everything I wish to say over here to you. 

This advanced diploma is pain in the ass, too us one day to finish what was taught back in poly. How stressful that was, within 1 2 weeks I'll have 12 reports to finish for practical, and one report usually take me a day to finish. And we have assignment to finished which could take up to a week if we chiong, 12+ 7 = 19 days. Somemore there is so much for me to catch up with class, and that required me plenty of time to study before I could the the 19 days worth of work. Omg. Fucking stress.

I can't drink, I'll panic attack, I can't relax myself, I just have to ton every fucking night just to catch up and not able to compete. Pls give me 48 hours for this month of May will you?

I dreamt

I hope my dad live till the second coming. I dreamt of him being dead and I got no idea what to do because you are not with me anymore. Therefore I cried loudly and I woke up with my pillow all wet.

Love is ?

I always tell everyone around me, if you love someone, love them whole hearty, have possession of them. It's useless if you love them and u can't have them. 

But for now I understand that, even though one may not be together, but love can be there, and you would love to do anything for that person. Despite all the disappointment in them, and for what they had say towards you after the break up. I still faithfully wish for your good, continuing mocking at me, but still, I secretly pray for you days and night, in exchange of my happiness for yours. So long you received your happiness, I am willing to neglect my happiness. 

Not being able to see your smile anymore, but I believe and for what you believe you friend says you are happier now. I believe you are happier now. 

I still rmb the day, now stupid I am to write an essay and ask u to send to your friend for the acceptance of me. 

But after thinking, wtheck? You get together wit someone because of peer pressure? That's dam weird. And you break up because of peers word as well. Think about that, you said to not disclosed about your past because you might receive some unwanted attention. I did as you wish.

I whine to your friend, the next thing she ask was, what have you done for her?

I am speechless, I believe you yourself will say this things as well. Do one being together, must it be doing something for another half? 

You said also, I am like a fucking lazy pig, because I always sleep till very late. Well that's just me! The time when I am too tired from all the studies and work, do you know that? Well, honestly I am stupid and that require me to study longer to understand the question. I sleep longer: I know that whenever I don't have enough sleep, I'll be dam cranky, and that I don't want to appeared myself in a very cranky mood when I am with you. Why would you think the other way, in fact, a lot things need not be said for understand. But if you think that everything have to be mentioned, then why do girls demand so much on what they need and argue on guys not able to understand them without saying? Why guys can't be the same. 

In fact you are the one that get me really exicted. Nobody else, even if I date a few. 

I am a very sentimental person, therefore no matter how nuch I hate a person, deep in my heart, I still can't bear to hurt you. 

Thoughts about human thoughts towards God

Been wondering, do people say they trust God, believe Jesus is the savior and await for the second coming. They say this issit because they get some benefits from praying and that they believe God exits because God answered their prayer. Or are they afraid, because there is saying that if you don't believe in me and follow the ten C, they will be punish and shall not recognize as gods children. 

So there is a differences in this, u believe because you are afraid? Or do you believe because of what had God done and for that, u wish to follow him and be obident.

In other words, once shouldn't accept the bread and wine if they are unclean, meaning to say that, you can go church, but you shall not receive the bread that was given by he pastor. And there is ritual for that for you to be clean once more. Even woman with period shall

Be unclean at that period of time. Why aren't we following this?

Big aunt

Most probbably my big aunt have come to the end of her life. Her heart stopped and was sent to hospital immediately. 

She had suffer enough of all the cancer ever since she was young, and now her suffering have ended. 

Why is there a need to die.

Hais.

Time passes so fast, from the big aunt that is the loudest in the past to the one that keep suffering from cancer, and couldn't have a proper voice. Education is impt, if she could write and talk with people.

Likewise, in life we always want to have this and that, but somehow it's predicted that the amount of things you will have is all written. Or do we have a way to Change it because what we do is what we gonna be? 

If I could help your two child, I will try. Rest in peace will you. 

Will see you someday when second coming is near.